Subject: Appraisal Excerpts
>
> A list of Performance Reviews that were reportedly taken from actual
> employee performance evaluations:
>
> "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
> started to dig."
>
> "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
>
> "I would not allow this employee to breed."
>
> "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite
> won't be."
>
> "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
> trap."
>
> "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
>
> "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
>
> "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
>
> "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
> them."
>
> "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
>
> "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
>
> "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all
> together."
>
> "A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
>
> "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
>
> "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
>
> "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
>
> "He would argue with a signpost."
>
> "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
>
> "When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell."
>
> "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
>
> "A Photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
>
> "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
>
> "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
>
> "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
>
> "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
>
> "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
>
> "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
>
> "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
>
> "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
>
> "One neuron short of a synapse."
>
> "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled."
>
> "Takes him 1 1/2 hour to watch 60 minutes."
>
> "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."